Bio[]
When I Was a Lad is the opening ballad for the December 27, 1972 episode, The song is played by Benny Hill in front of a meeting hall accompanied by The Ladybirds on chorus and Walter Goodman, Jackie Wright and Pat Ashton in attendance.
The ballad is accompanied by scenes of:
- Benny trying to propsition a young lady (Dennie Bayliss) but instead he sidles up to another man (Bob Todd)
- Benny trying to return a purse to a young lady (Dennie) with her father (Bob), but she thinks he stole it and calls a police officer (Steve Ismay)
- Benny offers a ride to Dennie on his bicycle, but she prefers the rich millionaire (Jimmy Thompson) and they depart on his bicycle
- An odd placement of fruit at Dennie's fruit stand causes Benny to wreck his car
Lyrics[]
Now, when I was a lad
Life wasn’t so bad.
We had that big house on the hill.
Me dad wore a suit
And we even had fruit
On the sideboard when no one was ill.
Ah, but poor Jenny Hogg,
She lived on the bog,
So wet that her sheep kept on sinking.
Her old man used to tell her
To run ‘round with the "umbreller"
And stop all their wool from shrinking.
Oh, let’s drink a toast to the inn-keeper’s daughter.
One look at her and my knees turn to water.
Now that she’s gone and I miss her like mad.
She taught me so much when I was a lad.
Now, old Teddy Sparks
Says she can quote Marx.
But he don’t mean Karl, he means Harpo.
Her dad is a fool
And her mum was so cruel,
She was twice drummed out the Gestapo.
Oh, she failed miserably
At geography,
Or at spelling or doing a sum.
Tell me where, said Miss Horder,
Is the Indian border?
She said, on the sofa with mum.
Oh, let’s drink a toast to the inn-keeper’s daughter.
One look at her and my knees turn to water.
Now that she’s gone and I miss her like mad.
She taught me so much when I was a lad.
Oh, she once gave an actor a ride in her dung cart.
They passed three trucks and a tractor.
Each time she was asked what she’d got,
She’d reply, a cartload of dung and a actor.
Oh, the ninth time it happened,
The actor’s face reddened.
He said, Miss, I bear you no ill will,
But the next time anyone asks what you’ve got,
Do you mind if I top the bill?
Oh, let’s drink a toast to the inn-keeper’s daughter.
One look at her and my knees turn to water.
Now that she’s gone and I miss her like mad.
She taught me so much when I was a lad.
In a meadow one night,
She said, you treat me right,
And I’ll drive you out of your mind.
We lay in the clover
And when it was over,
She said, now it’s your turn to be kind.
Well, I’d only a tanner
And so with a stammer,
I gave it to her there and then.
She looked at me strange
And said, I haven’t got change.
You’ll have to do it again.
Oh, let’s drink a toast to the inn-keeper’s daughter.
One look at her and my knees turn to water.
Now that she’s gone and I miss her like mad.
She taught me so much when I was a lad.