The Benny Hill Show Wikia
Ballad 00


Western Round-Up was the opening number on February 8, 1989 performed by Benny Hill describing a trip to London and going through four unidentified short songs. The third song was performed by Benny and Anna Dawson, followed by a square dance. The setting was a small rural farming community on stage with his co-stars and the Hill's Angels as chorus.



Oh Flo from Fulham went to see the Padre.
She said, “A young man has just moved in next door to me.
“He kissed me and caressed me,
“And now I feel that I should confess that I need him constantly.”
Now the Padre said, “Well if this need is honest and true,
“Then it is a need that you should be enjoyin'.
She said, “I don’t mean to say I need him that way.
“What I mean is I kneed him in the groin.”

In Brixton, I met Mrs. Tibbs,
She’s got twenty-one kids,
Her husband said,
“I bet you go too far,
“I love a good cigar,
“But I at least take it out once in a while.”


I met Flora Ann Sadie,
She’s a perfect lady.
She always goes down to the harbor when she wants to spit.
Fifty-thousand quid and light her fagg with it.

Twenty year old Peggy Sue,
Wed a bloke of ninety-two
The old boy died of ecstasy, he did!
It took the undertaker seven days to wipe the smile from off his face,
And another two to close to close the coffin lid.


Second Song[]

There's a chicken in the library. (Bok-Bok-Bok)
The librarian gave her three... (Bok-Bok-Bok)
And so the chicken clucked off home…
With two meals, a Boone and Jeffery Archer

She went back for eight (Bok-Bok-Bok)
The librarian followed her to take a... (Look-Look-Look)
She found her on a log with a frog...
Who was saying, “Read-it, Read-It. Read the whole blooming lot!”


Third Song[]

(Anna Dawson)
They call me Miss Buttercup, Dear little Buttercup...
Though I will never know why

(Benny Hill)
I say, Mrs. Buttercup, lift your right buttock up.
You’re sitting on my pork pie.

(Anna) I'm small and demure, and kind and demure,
The kind that gents prefer.
I wear satin and Lace
I walk with easy grace.

Easy Grace ain't so easy as her


And most of the time she's been caught

I prefer good meals and I wear my high heels...

(Benny) Because she doesn't like to wear herself short.

She went with our local mayor to go see that big grizzly…
At that big zoo outside Frome.
But as they drove west, a big sign said, “Bear left.”
So, they turned around and came home,

Oh, you big knave.
You think you're so brave with your bitter malicious chit-chat.
Well, take that, and take that.
Take that, sir, and take all that!

I’ll take that!

Fourth Song[]

Oh, bend down south and touch your toes,
I'm going to show you the wild goose goes
Park your car around the bend, and then promenade….

if you shake the ketchup bottle...
None’ll come out and then a lot’ll
Chippity-chick and tippity-tippity chick,
You can touch a duck's bill, but you gotta be quick…
Drink that pint of shandy beer,
Tried a quart of quarter beer, then….
Skip to the lou, My Darling

Oh, Charlie's got a lolit'ter,
Who swallowed a thermometer.
In the window, she looks fine,
But in the winter, she's eight-foot-nine

Go and wait for the night.
As I give these people some good advice.
Eat a plate of beans on Sunday.
Have a bubble bath on Monday

Oh, if she gives you a second glance,
And you feel like a little romance,
Head off to the woods and take a chance,
And that's what we call a Square Dance