The Benny Hill Show Wikia


Unlucky Luke was the opening number on February 10, 1982. It was performed by Benny Hill on a Western-styled set and accompanied Henry McGee, Jack Wright, Jon Jon Keefe and Jenny Lee Wright with Alison Bell, Sue Upton, Samantha Spencer-Lane, Cheryl Mortimer, Trudy Miller, Lisa Price and Lesley Young as the Hill's Angels.



They say if you build a better mousetrap the world will beat a pathway to your house.
If Luke was to build a better mousetrap, somebody'd breed a smarter mouse.
If it started raining soup, his family would all have forks,
If they was to cut a woman in two, he'd get the half that talks.

Unlucky Luke, unlucky kid,
Why he broke into a betting shop and he lost four hundred quid!

Now his parents never loved him like they did his sister, Kim,
They had to tie a kipper around his neck to get the cat to play with him.
And he cried the day that he was weened cause he knew even then,
It'd be twenty years before he was near anything like that again.


They put his cradle on the wardrobe near the door,
So the folks downstairs could hear him when he fell out on the floor.

Now the saddest day of Luke's unhappy life, beyond a doubt,
Was the day he went to hospital to have his tonsils taken out.
He was on the operating theatre trolley sleeping sound,
When a short-sighted nurse came past and turned the trolley 'round.

Unlucky Luke, no wonder he hollers,
His sick aunt died and in her will he owed her forty dollars.

Now Luke married Charlie's widow, a lady with no manners,
She had a figure like a hippo, and face like a bag of hammers.
She told him she had four children in the cemetery by the creek,
She forgot to tell him they was down there playing hide and seek.


Unlucky Luke at the age of fifty-two...
Had a wife, a girlfriend and a tax demand and all three were overdue.

Now, Luke came home one lunch time, he'd been out selling lucky charms,
He tripped over a neighbor's cat and fractures both his arms.
He said, "Hey, that's a black cat, why that's lucky, I've a hunch."
His wife said, "That cat's lucky 'cause he's just had your lunch."

Last night, he lost his pet Alsatian pup,
So he phoned up the Samaritans, but the Samaritans hung up.

Oh Luke had to go to France; his wife said, "I suppose you'll fly."
He said, "With luck like mine, the plane will crash, and I'm too young to die."
So, he sailed there in the safety of an ocean-going ship,
But he got drowned when the boat went down when the plane crashed into it.

Unlucky Luke, unlucky Luke,
Until the day he died, fate was against Unlucky Luke...