Date: January 27, 1971
Vocals: The Ladybirds
Producer: John Robins
Director: John Robins
Writer: Benny Hill
- Henry and Alice and Bob And Mary
- Crime Does Not Pay
- The Dreamer
- TV Announcer - "Why is this virile young man going to marry this wizened old hag? The answer is simple; she owns the house."
- Alice - "Exercise gets rid of fat."
Henry - "How come you have a double chin then?"
- Alice - "That's not my 25-piece tea set, is it?"
Henry - "More like 500-piece tea set now...."
- Alice - "Henry, I don't look thirty-eight now, do I?"
Henry - "Not any more you don't."
- Bob - "Your wife?"
Henry - "Would I hire a maid as ugly as that?"
- Bob - "Two's company, three's a crowd, four's a lot more fun."
- Mary - "But I'll be like that in thirty years time!"
Henry - "In thirty years, I won't care!!!"
- Unseen Announcer - "Why doesn't his father show him the right way?"
Mother - "He does, but he still gets caught."
- The opening "Yes, M'Lady" quickie with a butler overhearing a conversation was later included in The Herd on March 31, 1986 with Bob Todd in the role.
- The lady's voice is uncredited, but it might be Rita Webb.
- The mismatched news footage gag was also used in the Edith Packet sketch on November 19, 1969 and repeated March 14, 1979.
- Kiki Dee introduces a string of quickies of fake screen gaffes:
- An actress (Leslie Goldie) has a phone that rings after she picks up up, wanders too far to reveal back stage (Jackie Wright) and suffers with mismatched footage involving a coat (Benny Hill)
- A woman (Rita Webb) flashes her under skirt to a commercial spokesman (Benny Hill)
- An actress's (Leslie) attire changes between shots
- A newscaster (Benny) suffers through mismatched news footage
- A Benovite spokesman (Benny) with badly-designed simulation
- Exposed film mars a performance between two actors (Leslie and Benny)
- A faulty microphone for a world leader (Benny)
- A fatal mistake between two actors (Jenny Lee Wright and (Nicholas Parsons (Benny is the director)
- Benovite was last mentioned on March 11, 1970 with the similar two-sided face gag from Duffo commercial parody in Leprechaun TV on March 14, 1979.
- The Claude and Fifi sketch ("Love Will Find A Way") is repeated intact in Benny Hill: Down Under. It's remade in Carmen with Alison Bell replacing Leslie Goldie.
- Several clips from this episode made it into the The Best of Benny Hill.