The Benny Hill Show Wikia


The Ballad of the Halitosis Kid was a ballad performed by Benny Hill on January 13, 1988. It was accompanied by a sketch set in the Old West with Benny, Lorraine Doyle, Bob Todd and Jon Jon Keefe playing the main characters and much of the cast in supporting roles and sight gags. The performance seems to follow the tradition of Ernie - The Fastest Milkman In The West.


He came out of no where, and he traveled over the West.
No shotgun, no six-shooter and no badge upon his chest
But when he came into town the population hid.
He was known as the Halitosis Kid


One day the Kid came to see the dentist to stop himself from yawning.
The Dentist said, "You should rinse your mouth out with cow manure every morning."
He said, "Will that take care of my halitosis? Will that get rid of it?"
The doctor said, "No, but it will tone it down a bit."

Now, the kid loved a woman, and she loved him too.
You may say that's impossible, and how can that be true?
She'd had an operation and had lost her sense of smell.
The town called her Lucky Lulu Bell.


Now, the kid had a rival who was often heard to yell.
He meant to have his way with Lucky Lulu Bell.
His body was known to make weird noises, and his soul was pitch black.
And they called him Thunderclap.

Now, Thunderclap had a partner, and he was squeaky clean.
He made his clothes on a brand new sewing machine.
He wore chiffon shirts and a pink sombrero.
And they called him.... The Gay Caballero


Well, you see, that villain Thunderclap and the Gay Caballero...
They thought the end was in sight for their arduous hero.
There's one thing they ain't heard of...
There's one thing they don't know.
The Kid's halitosis is quite mild....
Compared to his B.O......