Bio[]
Maria, Maria was the opening number on April 25, 1979. It was performed by Benny Hill before an Italian villa backdrop with Sarah Woollett, Abigail Higgins, Nola Haynes, Louise English, Emma Bryant, Sue Upton, Pauline Crawford and Francesca Whitburn. The song shares lyrics with Maria from November 19, 1969.
Lyrics[]
(Note: The accuracy of these lyrics are in doubt.)
She thinks she is slim like the willow
She's just skinny and bony and tall
If she hadn't been blessed with two warts on her chest
She'd have no figure at all
She likes to please all the men but she's so terribly thin
There is hardly enough to go round
Once she swallowed a whole pickled onion
And twenty-four fellas left town
Oh, Maria, Maria, please say when
You will be mine, mine all alone
How I long for the day when
I can make you my own
I used to part my hair down the center
She said that was much too severe
So just to please her, I parted it
Across my head from ear to ear
"Tell me, how do you like my sexy hairstyle?"
I asked my Mexican Rose
"Amigo, you look magnifico,"
She whispered up my nose
Oh, Maria, Maria, please say when
You will be mine, mine all alone.
How I long for the day when
I can make you my own
Now, we went to the open-air theater
One summer night in the park
Soon I had to excuse myself
And I wandered off in the dark
I got back to my seat next to her
I'd not been gone more than a minute
I said, "How was the show?"
She said, "You ought to know.
You silly great fool, you were in it!"
Oh, Maria, Maria, please say when
You will be mine, mine all alone
How I long for the day when
I can make you my own
(Benny launches the bow on his violin like a bow and arrow, and it hits Jackie Wright in the head.)
Now, she used to try to make tea cakes
With a recipe her mother lent
In my mouth, they melted like butter
In my stomach, they set like cement
Now, she used to experiment daily
With different things that would fill me
It was just like playing Russian Roulette
'Cause I never knew which meal would kill me
Maria, you said you'd be faithful
But you cheated and you were untrue
But if I had to do it all over again
I'd do it all over you