Bio[]
Maria was the opening number on January 7, 1981. It was performed by Benny Hill in a Gypsy camp setting surrounded by the cast dressed as a caravan of gypsies.
Lyrics[]
Now, Maria was a high class gypsy
She sold gold earrings from a stool
Her mother had a stone glass eye
And her father had a crystal ball.
But I took Maria to a fancy dress dance
It was a really small affair.
All the girls had to wear a dress the color of their chaparone's hair.
There was a commotion in the ballroom right after the dinner.
All the men wanted to dance with the girl who came with Yul Brynner.
The crowd all called out Maria the Matisse...
(Benny does some chanting in German)
Bend down, girls and touch your toes!
I'm gonna show you where the wild goose goes!
Some girls are like Africa, mysterious and hot!
Other girls are like Paris, with all the charm its got!
Maria, she is like Tibet with all its ice and snow there.
Everyone knows where it is,
But no one wants to go there!
(The Hill's Angels do a gypsy chant.)
Her teeth were green and brown and yellow.
One of them was black as jet.
If only she had a blue one,
She'd have a perfect set.
I went inside a phone box to try and get in touch.
With my lovely Maria because I love her so much,
But a policeman came and turned me out.
I can still hear him yell.
He went inside the phonebox and turned her out as well.
(The Hill's Angels do a gypsy chant.)
I twirled her around the dance floor
She said, "I hate the way you're doing it."
I asked, "Why?" and she said, "I've got wooden leg, and you're unscrewing it."
Standing on a cross town bus, hanging by a strap,
She let her hankerchef fall into a sleeping old man's lap.
He woke up as she looked down and gave a sheepish grin.
He thought it was his coat tail and foolishly tucked it back in.
(The Hill's Angels do a gypsy chant.)
I saw her in her birthday suit, swimming by the weir.
She said, "Please go away", but I pretended not to hear.
She said, "If you don't go, I'll stay in here until it gets dark."
I said, "That's all right by me. I only came to feed the shark."
(The Hill's Angels do a gypsy chant.)
We had a gypsy wedding, but the caterers were all mobsters.
They blew up all the prawns and shrimps,
And made them look like lobsters.
So she stuffed herself with wedding cake,
And beer and fish and chips.
When I carried her across the threshold,
I had to take two trips.
Nut now this little gypsy girl,
She's ruined my whole life.
She's gone back to her mother,
And I've gone back to the wife.