Bio[]
The Lovely Girls of Crete was the opening song on March 25, 1981. It was performed by Benny Hill in a Greek cantina setting surrounded by the cast of the episode and the Hill's Angels doing back-up vocals.
Lyrics[]
My father had the largest fleet of the fishing boats in Crete.
That's where all of my childhood days were spent.
In the cliffs of the house where we overlooked the sea.
And where we frequently overlooked the rent.
Now, the day that I was born
My dad's family came around to ascertain the new baby's weight.
"How cute." said my dad, and they murmured, "Oh, how sad.
"You only just got back your bait."
Now, I have seven older sisters, and they're all much older than me.
I used to wear their hand-me-downs to school, you see.
One day, my teacher wore a dress identical to my own,
And he was more upset then me.
My dad said, "Now that you're twenty-one,
"It's time you find a wife, my son.
"A Greek girl, a Czech, a Pole or a Turk."
So, I trekked around the world in search of a girl
That's too proud to have her husband go to work.
And though I am away
I still hear the silkies play
All those memories by the sea.
All those girls from Crete
So gentle and so sweet
I wish they'd dance again with me.
In England, Ann-Marie showed me her cottage by the sea.
There was ivy clinging to the porch.
I sensed immediately Ivy was the girl for me.
She had seen more romance than a copper's torch.
Now, I told George, her brother,
I took Ivy and her mother to Cheddar Cave for a treat.
"That's marvelous." said George. "Do you see the Devil's Gorge?"
I said, "No, I can't stand watching people eat."
And though I am away
I still hear the silkies play
All those memories by the sea.
All those girls from Crete
So gentle and so sweet
I wish they'd dance again with me.
I spent three weekends in malta with an organ grinder's daughter
Because I liked to have her monkey around.
she was a sexy little pup
She could really trip you up.
And be underneath you before you hit the ground.
Now, this German girl, Marlene,
She liked crystal creme.
I bought her a bottle in Berlin.
She said you really are a sport,
And then she popped the cork,
And poured it on her chest and rubbed it in.
And though I am away
I still hear the silkies play
All those memories by the sea.
All those girls from Crete
So gentle and so sweet
I wish they'd dance again with me.