Bio[]
Faith is a comedy monologue performed on February 7, 1974 and attributed to Late 19th Century poet E.M. Barrister. He recites the monologue dressed as his character from Birds and Bees and The New Vicar but on a stage later used by Diana Darvey.
Lyrics[]
The wisest man I ever knew had a cottage outside Loew.
His name was David Alexander Kidd
It was David who predicted the world would end in 1960.
And for David Alexander Kidd, it did.
He was around his grocer, Mr. Spicer playing with his bacon slicer...
A lovely girl with great big knickers known as Sue.
When the blade cuts off his hand, he picked it up,
And ran to see the famous surgeon Dr. Pew.
He said, “Sew it back on again.”
And he said, “Of course, I can my friend,
“But first, of all, you need to pay me 2000 quid.”
He said, “But I cannot afford to pay.”
And the doctor said, “Good day, push off home.”
As he did, but as he passed the water mill,
He glanced up the hill up to where Chapel of St, Levy used to stand.
And a little farther down he saw Little Father Downe….
He was sitting with a surplus in his hand,
And he was patching up a tear,
And sewing with such care,
He said, “Father, can you sell my hand back on?”
He said, “There is nothing in God's plan that is beyond the scope of man,
“But first of all, you must have faith, my son.”
So while Faith hold his thumb,
David sat down, and his hand was sewed back on just as it was before.
“It's a miracle!” he cried,
But the priest just smiled with humble pride.
(Humble pride?)
And he saw him disappear across the moor.
When Dave got to his feet,
Who should he meet, but the evil profiteering Dr. Pew.
He said, “Look what faith is done for me,
“And done it all for free….
“So, Doctor Pew, you know what you can do….”
(Benny imitates making a gesture as his hand goes flying off)