The Benny Hill Show Wikia


Down on the Farm was the opening number on February 11, 1981 episode and was performed by Benny Hill with Camilla Blair, Alison Bell, Louise English, Abigail Higgins, Beverly Kaye, Penny Kendall and Clare Smalley as the Hill's Angels on chorus. Set on a farmyard with the cast playing hillbilly farmers, Henry McGee, Bob Todd, Jackie Wright, Roger Finch and Bella Emberg played the hillbilly musicians. The act included Benny playing xylophone music on beer bottles.


Now, when I drive the plow horse I put his blinkers on,
And I say, "Come on there, Joey Boy, come on there Big John.
"Come on Dick, come on Harry, come on Jake and Carter."
It makes him think he's got some help, and he pulls a little harder.

Now, I learned to swim when I was eight,
Down on the farm
My pa took me out to the middle of the lake.
Down on the farm
He pushed me out of the boat, and said, "Son, swim back."
Down on the farm
I had a heck of a job getting out of the sack.
Down on the farm


Now, my grandma went to the general store and said, "Do you sell gasoline?
"Axle grease and turpentine, candles and quinine?
"Artificial manure and mothballs?"
The guy said, "We sure do, ma'am,"
She said, "Well, go and wash your hands and cut me a slice of ham."

She got a brand new hearing aid.
Down on the farm
She said, "It's worth every penny I paid."
Down on the farm
"Why I only had a week and yesterday."
Down on the farm
"I heard from my sister in Holloway."
Down on the farm


Now our Indian farmhand said, "My wife not true to me,
"Me want oranges, me plant orange tree.
"Me plant corn, up come corn. Plant bran, up come bran,
"Last year me plant Indian, and up come China man."

His daughters came to stay with us,
Down on the farm
But my brother Charlie got in first.
Down on the farm
He got the one called Lorna Doon,
Down on the farm
I got her sister, Nothin' Doon.
Down on the farm


Now, Lorna asked me for a kiss, she said, "It won't do any harm,
"And when I tell the folks that I've been kissed by the boy who runs the farm.
"It'll be a feather in my cap, at least that's my belief,"
I said, "Come into the wigwam and I'll make you an Indian chief."

Now, the day I met my little squaw.
Down on the farm
I met my future mother-in-law.
Down on the farm
She's got the biggest mouth in all Nantucket,
Down on the farm
She sleeps with her false teeth in a bucket.
Down on the farm

Now, at our honeymoon hotel I got the fever something cruel,
And Lorna brought me water to try and keep me cool.
Then she stopped bringing water though I was thirstier than hell,
I said, "Why you no bring water?"
She said, "White man sit on well."


Last week, I bought my ma some shoes,
Down on the farm
And I bought my pa a bottle of booze.
Down on the farm
I was gonna get a diary for my Great Aunt Nell,
Down on the farm
Only lately she ain't been looking too well.
Down on the farm

How you gonna keep 'em down on the farm...
After they've seen the barn.