The Benny Hill Show Wikia


Carol is the opening number on February 22, 1973. It was performed by Benny Hill in a white suit on a set decorated as an American Southwest town with The Ladybirds as back-up vocals and the Orange Blossom Band as musical accompaniment. Benny ends the number by introducing Henry McGee actually getting ready to introduce Fred Scuttle in the following bit.


Evening all, we're going to sing at you now…
Songs like….

Oh, the sandpiper is funny little bird
The way it behaves is running really absurd
It sticks its head in the sand during a monsoon,
And whistles from the other hole in the afternoon

So, wink your eyes and wiggle your hips,
Never kiss a chicken on the lips.
Oh, bend down girl, touch your toes…
I’m gonna show you where the wild goose goes.

Oh, I love Sally...
She loves Dick.
You can catch a duck by the tail,
But you gotta be quick.

Oh I met a middling little squaw in Wichita,
And she told me her name was Carol.
If I was Adam, and she was Eve...
We’d get out apples by the barrel

I bought her some fancy garters,
They cost me a dollar ten.
She gave them to her mother,
I shan't see them again.


(The Ladybirds)
Oh, come on by,
And give my cheek a peck.
Put a ring around that finger,
And a rope around that neck.

I met a boy about six-foot-four
He wore Size 18 boots
He said, “Me Big Chief Train Whistle,
“But you can call me Toot.”
“His family don't know heads from tails.”
The poor old brother yelped.
And a trip along the wall showed…
Somebody really funny scalps.


(“Now, let me hear that euphonia. Now, don’t that sound nice.”)

Then her ma came in and said, “How.”
So I said, “How.” again.
She said, “I don't say how.
“What I want to know is when?”
She was the ugliest woman ever seen...
Since I left Nantucket.
I wouldn't say her mouth was big...
But she slept with false teeth in a bucket.

(Come on, Speedy, let's hear that violin.)

Well, at the honeymoon hotel,
I got the fever, something cruel
She went to get me cups of water...
To try and help keep me cool.
But you stopped bringing me water,
Though was I thirstier than hell
I said, “Why you no bring water?”
She said, “White man sit on well.”

(The Ladybirds)
Oh, come on by,
And give my cheek a peck.
Put a ring around that finger,
And a rope around that neck.


She said she was widow...
And I said, "I don't care or mind...
“You said you had a hard life,
“And fate had not been kind.”
“She said she had nine daughters,
“And they were swimming in the creek.”
But she forgot to tell me they were playing hide and seek!

So guys, if they bat their eyes,
And invite you to take a chance,
Put a ring around their finger
And take them off my hands...