The Benny Hill Show Wikia


The Brooklyn Benny Rap (or "New York Benny") was the opening act of Benny Hill's World Tour: New York, performed by Benny Hill dressed as a tourist with the cast dressed as street toughs.


Now gather folks and lend an ear, I tell you I'm just pickled pink to be here.
I came across on a Concorde jet, a trip two old ladies would never forget.
They said to the guy with the captain's hat, "Don't fly faster than sound because we want to chat."
This gal at the airport security said she'd have to search me thoroughly.
"Why that's an insult," my manager reckons, but I didn't care, I went back for seconds.


I went to this cafe, and I had lobsters, oysters, soup of the day.
The waitress brought me fries and steak and apple pie and chocolate cake.
"What'll I wash it down with, Miss?" I calls, she says, "How about Niagara Falls."

I tell this big guy the name of my hotel, I said, "What's the quickest way to get there, pal?"
He said, "You take the subway to Washington Square. Washington Square, you're almost there."
Well, on the subway I can see, folks 'round here love poetry.
There's "I think married life is grand, it's just my husband that I can't stand."
And "He who laughs when things go wrong has just thought of someone he can blame it on."
It's on the ceiling, and it's on the floors, "I upped my income... up yours!"


Now, there was a gal sitting next to me on the train with a figure that would drive a man insane.
I says, "I'm a stranger around here, Miss, could you direct me to where your house is?"
We got off at Union Street and her apartment was cool and neat.
She slipped off my jacket as we walked in, she said, "Kick off your shoes, pour me a gin."
I started to pour, I said, "You will say when," she said, "Right after I finish that gin."

Now by time I poured myself a beer she had changed into something cool and sheer.
She stood real close and she smelled divine, and as she pressed her soft, red lips to mine,
I heard a knock, I heard a roar, she said, "That's my husband at the door."
I said, "I'll jump out the window, he sounds vicious," she said, "We're thirteen floors up," I said, "I'm not superstitious."


The door burst open and in he came, I hid my face in fear and shame.
I turned my back as I buttoned my shirt and I prayed to God I wouldn't get hurt.
I turned and nervously opened one eye and I was face to face with this huge guy.
Then I heard his voice cut through the air, he said, "I thought I told you to get off at Washington Square."

So let me shout it loud and clear, I'm glad to be alive and I'm glad to be here.
Oh yeah!