The Benny Hill Show Wikia


A Girl In Every Port was the opening number on March 12, 1986 featuring Benny Hill and incorporating songs into a sketch format set on a ship. It is possibly one of the largest musical numbers on the show along with Gangster Benny (AKA "It's A Hard Hard Life") with two crew men (Jon Jon Keefe and Bob Todd), nine passengers (Henry McGee, Mike Mulloy, Sue Upton, Louise English?, Len Keyes and four unknowns) and the Hill's Angels (Katie Randall, Tracy Smith, Claire Fairgood, Emma Bryant, Samantha Spencer-Lane, Alison Thomas, Lorraine Doyle, Fiona Baker and Faye Mertens). It is followed by the songs You Made Me Love You and an ode to Captain Benny.


(Note: The accuracy of these lyrics are a bit in doubt.)

At a port in Singapore, I met lovely Elinore
Twenty-seven stone of rippling charm.
(Of rippling charm)
She could wrestle, she could fight. Her tattoos were all just right
And she had pigtails, but they were underneath her arms.


I asked this lovely lass if she'd join me in a plop
She said she'd have a quart of gin and lime.
Well, I kissed her on the cheek, but the young lady didn't speak
She was doing up her bootleg at the time.
(I say, he really is a port; he's got a girl in every port.)

Now in Hamburg, Marie and I would fight incessantly
So I said to Anne Marie one night, "Next time you're angry, Anne Marie,
"Just count to twenty, you'll feel better, and not feel like a fight."
She has to take her gloves off when she wants to counts to ten,
To count to twenty, she needs her toes as well and that's why...
But by the time she removes her gloves and tights, she doesn't feel like a fight,
If she doesn't want fight with me then neither do I.
(I say, he really is a port; he's got a girl in every port.)


I went to Australia, but the trip there was a failure.
I went into a bar near Bugaboo; I drank a quart of Countermain
Kissed a barmaid named Lorraine then I went out and shot a kangaroo.
On the journey back, I had to see Old Doctor Nat after that,
And he said, "I've got news for you. You did it wrong, old son.
"You should have shot the barmaid and kissed the kangaroo."
(I say, he really is a port; he's got a girl in every port.)